Dear teenage Mallory,
1) Thanks for not drinking or smoking or having sex in high school
Despite the many rumors floating around that you have done several or all of these things, thanks for staying away from them. You have been blessed with some amazing friends in your life who have never once pressured you into anything. Remember that, and stay in touch with them. Plus, you are going to marry someone who is even more of a goody two shoes than you are! Don’t worry, he isn’t boring.
2) Watch Heathers
No big reason for this. It’s just a great movie and I wish we’d watched it sooner.
3) Don’t be afraid to try new things
I know that you are afraid of looking stupid, and it keeps you from trying loads of things you want to try, but who cares?! You may be surprised to know this, but you stay in touch with very few people after high school, so quit trying to impress them. I mean, don’t be mean to them or ignore them, because many of them are very nice people, but don’t worry about whether they think you’re cool or not. Worry about whether or not you think you are cool.
4) Don’t get mad OR even
So, things don’t exactly go how you expect them to in high school. People who were once your friends aren’t anymore, and people who you’ve never met are mean to you for reasons you don’t understand. You will have a barrage of mean prank phone calls and text messages. People will make fake instant messenger accounts to threaten you and call you ugly. Rumors will spread about you being pregnant, getting drunk at parties, and having sex with people you’ve never even spoken to before. Girls will tell other girls about all of the mean things you did to them, even though they never actually happened. Way too many people to keep track of won’t like you and will tell you so to your face, but you know what? You end up fine.
Getting revenge never helps, and the crazy drama doesn’t stop until you decide to stop letting it affect you. Listen to mom, and ignore them. Also, I know mom tells you repeatedly, “they’re just jealous,” and I know you don’t believe her, but maybe you should. Because I’ve been out of high school for five years and I still don’t understand their motives.
5) You can be a writer!
It takes you awhile to realize that your dream job can be your actual job, so I want to save you some time (and probably some money): be a writer!
6) Love doesn’t have an age
You actually meet your husband in high school! I know that probably scares you now, but it’s true. Don’t be afraid of how much he likes you, and definitely don’t be afraid of how much you like him. You waste a lot of time trying to ignore your feelings and hurt some truly wonderful people along the way. Listen to your heart (when he’s calling for you).
7) Be yourself
Read books when you should be making conversation, watch too many slasher movies, sing show tunes in the car regardless of whether someone is watching you, and NEVER, under any circumstances, throw away our Aqua album. “Barbie Girl” is still a good song even if no one else is listening to it.